Being real.

This post doesn't need a picture. This post is somewhat different from last posts. I'm depressed. I'm suffering from depression. I actually am wide awake at 12:30am wondering why I am blogging about this, but I feel like I need to talk. John is sleeping right now and he can't listen. Everyone is sleeping right now so I can't call. To be depressed is to feel sunken. I actually found a word to help me describe it. To feel sunken is to feel like you are below everything, trying to stay above it all. Not all my days are like this. Actually most of them are of the norm. But when this depression is triggered by whatever-it sucks. I thought I was doing better the last week. I actually have had something to look forward to every weekend. 2 weeks ago was a birthday party for tyler to go to, this past saturday was thomas the train event, and now there is thanksgiving coming up and then disneyland on sunday. People may look at me and think I should be the most happiest person living. I should be exstatic, I have a newborn, I have a great 2 year old and a wonderful husband that love me. But, I am happy. I am also overwhelmed with emotions, feelings of worthlessness, angry, sad, guilty that I am depressed. So sunken is how I feel. Below. Deflated. So I will try to go to bed...again. I'm hopeful for tomorrow to be a better day. I also hope I don't regret posting this. If you know me, I just ask for you to pray for me. Pray that this cloud will be lifted off me. I want to enjoy my new life that has been given to me 2 months ago. I want to enjoy my family. I need it.